{"id":804,"date":"2025-02-28T10:31:06","date_gmt":"2025-02-28T16:31:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/janajm.com?p=804"},"modified":"2025-07-24T12:17:05","modified_gmt":"2025-07-24T18:17:05","slug":"navigating-impossible-conditions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/janajm.com\/navigating-impossible-conditions\/","title":{"rendered":"As February ends, I\u2019m thinking about\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\u201cLandscape with a large building\u201d (c. 1818\u201383<\/a>), by Franz von Hauslab the Younger<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Once a month, I\u2019ll be sharing a curated collection of ideas I keep returning to: concepts that are surfacing in my work, questions I\u2019m wrestling with, patterns I\u2019m noticing. These posts are my way of thinking out loud and sparking some interesting conversations along the way.<\/p>\n

This series is part of an ongoing experiment in exploring how to most meaningfully share what I know while connecting with others who care about similar ideas. (See also: my weekly office hours<\/a>.)<\/p>\n

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1) The conditions are always impossible.<\/h2>\n

In a recent Women of Letters<\/em> interview<\/a>, author Noreen Masud shared that she often thinks back to a saying of Doris Lessing\u2019s: \u201cWhatever you\u2019re meant to do, do it now. The conditions are always impossible.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd oh my goodness, it\u2019s so true,\u201d Masud says:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe conditions are always impossible, particularly if you\u2019re a woman, if you\u2019re a woman of colour \u2014 the conditions are always impossible. So you just have to.<\/p>\n

Whatever feels too overwhelming to do, do a kind of adjusted version of it. If you can\u2019t write 500 words, write 300 words. That\u2019s the other thing I do. I\u2019m very indulgent with myself about targets: if I don\u2019t meet a target one day, I halve the target. I don\u2019t double it for the next day.<\/p>\n

If I can\u2019t write a paragraph, I write a sentence. If I can\u2019t write a sentence, I open the document and look at it. \u200aI\u2019m a big believer in that. And once you\u2019ve opened the document, you can write a little bit. You know? That\u2019s usually how it works.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lessing and Masud\u2019s words have been running through my mind lately.<\/p>\n

Particularly in the context of recent events, it seems that the conditions are going to remain impossible for some time, and that the onus is only going to increasingly be on us to find some way to make a life in the midst of it all. I\u2019m reminded, here, of something Marshall McLuhan shared in 1966:<\/p>\n

\u201cThere is a well-known story by Edgar Allen Poe. It is called \u2018The Maelstrom\u2019 \u2014 about a sailor who goes fishing one afternoon and becomes so absorbed in his thought that he forgets to notice the turn of the tide and suddenly is caught in a great whirlpool. He realizes he can\u2019t row his boat out of the maelstrom and so he begins to study the action of the maelstrom. He observes that certain kinds of materials are sucked down into it and never return while other kinds pop up again. He attaches himself to one of these recurring objects and survives.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n

2) The thing that gets you to the thing.<\/h2>\n

There\u2019s a scene in Halt and Catch Fire<\/em> \u2014 one of my favourite shows \u2014 where Lee Pace\u2019s character says, \u201cComputers aren\u2019t the thing. They\u2019re the thing that gets us to the thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

I think about this often in the context of success. From what I\u2019ve seen, where many tend to stumble, in their way up whatever ladder they\u2019ve chosen to climb, is in placing an overemphasis on the expectation that any particular rung of that ladder will be The Thing\u2122. In reality, any given rung is more likely to be the thing that gets them to the thing.<\/p>\n

To use an example from my own life: I\u2019m in the middle, now, of finalizing the details for a professional opportunity I recently agreed to take on. It involves travel and the coordination of plans among some 10 or 12 people. The final product is shaping up to be fairly different from, and not quite so exciting or beneficial as, what was originally pitched when I said \u2018yes.\u2019<\/p>\n

It would be easy, at this stage, to get discouraged about the lack of my desired outcome. I certainly would have \u2014 certainly did \u2014 in the past. But with the perspective of where I\u2019m at now in my career, I\u2019ve been able to remind myself that it\u2019s completely fine if this experience doesn\u2019t end up offering what I thought it was going to offer. Why? Because I know that this thing is not the thing: this will simply be yet another thing that gets me to the thing, and keeping that in mind has helped me to temper my expectations in ways that have been allowing me to appreciate the opportunity rather than focus on what might be suboptimal about it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen something similar keep any number of people from making progress on something they\u2019ve long wanted to do, or from finally hitting \u2018send\u2019 on something they\u2019ve been tinkering with. At some point in the process, they developed the expectation that that<\/em> thing would be The Thing\u2122, and when \u2014 with time \u2014 they realized that it wasn\u2019t going to be, it was enough to keep them from moving forward with it at all.<\/p>\n

\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n

3) Optimizing for compatibility.<\/h2>\n

Over the years, I\u2019ve lived, worked, and studied in many different countries, using several different languages. I\u2019ve lived in big cities, and I\u2019ve lived in small ones; I\u2019ve lived in places whose names anybody would know, and I\u2019ve lived in places that few have ever heard of.<\/p>\n

What these experiences have taught me is that amazing people are not a finite resource. There really is no shortage of people who are exceptionally smart, funny, kind, generous \u2014 insert whatever quality you find impressive or important here. Similarly, and particularly as I advance in my career, I\u2019m finding that there are no shortage of opportunities to meet those amazing people. What I\u2019m coming to realize is in somewhat short supply, however, are people who are whatever combination of amazing things you\u2019re looking for and<\/em> are able to be a part of your life in a way that makes sense for you both.<\/p>\n

A perspective I\u2019ve found freeing in navigating this is optimizing for compatibility. I\u2019m no longer interested in having someone be a part of my life simply because they have the most<\/em> brilliant mind, or because they tell the funniest<\/em> stories, or because we have the best<\/em> time when we\u2019re together. That was enough for me, at one time; it isn\u2019t any longer. Instead, at both a personal and a professional level, I\u2019m now drawn to filling my life with the people with whom I\u2019m most compatible.<\/p>\n

\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n

Recommended reading<\/h2>\n